Why Do I Let Other People, Ruin My Day ?


Who really gives me a headache?

Being Stress Free is the Answer

THE IDEA MAN, Yahoo! Contributor Network     I am going to write this backwards starting with today., Cancun Mexico is so beautiful it is hard to have a bad day, and since this is where I now live, my inspiration for this piece comes from three other sources, and all in the last 24 hours.

First, I had a conversation with a friend who complained of someone who always came late to a 12 step meeting and would then complain about people, places and things at the end of the meeting he had disrupted. This late arrival would allow no time for anyone to give a rebuttal statement to his complaints and my friend in turn, resents this, saying it could it could ruin the newcomers view of the purpose of the meeting. My first introduction to the collision effect of countering thought processes.

Secondly, I watched a movie called “Gossip.“ It told the story of some college students who wanted to spread a story about a student who supposedly raped another student. They were going to test out the theory that people change the facts when gossiping and what the end result would be. The prank turned out to be a fatal mistake when, once again, things did not turn out as assumed.

Finally, the third source of inspiration was yet another movie called “Creation” a BBC story about Charles Darwin. The message it told was not about a theory of evolution,“ but how people misunderstand, and misinterpret, new ideas that go against their belief systems and how easy it is to begin questioning personal, and others, perspectives.

Now I must go back to my stay at the Hanoi Hilton or, in my case, the Belize jail not too long ago. This was the inspiration for my non-best selling book “I Fired God” (do not worry, I hired a new one) and has turned out to be a literal, life changing event. Who would ever think being in one of the worst jails in the world would be one of the best thing that ever happened to me.

Why Do I Let Other People, Ruin My Day ?

A note to add….as I write this I sometimes rest my brain by doing something else. I watched “Ted” (A Ted Turner program) on my computer which has different public speakers from around the world who are not trying to sell anything, but do want to make a difference ion this globe.

On “TED“ these speakers were discussing China, and, yes, this will all come back to having a bad day. My first thought when listening to their discussion is that China is bad. Why? Is it because of the way I have been programmed, or is it the way that the media presents the facts? Maybe it is because of my how my friends view these situations? I don’t have the answer for these questions. But I am curious enough to take a look at what was said about the China viewpoint of a different culture, ours.

According to Martin Jacques, they teach their kids at an early age all about America, the good, the bad and the ugly. They understand us and, most likely, disagree with our way of life. But, at least they are informed and, as a result, they comprehend why we do some of what it is we do. We, on the other hand, especially our children, have no idea why China has such cultural differences. We are not taught about them and this leads to misunderstandings. A problem I had to learn how to resolve personally while in that belizean jail cell although I am  not a criminal.
OK, on to my bad day theory. Every time I have a problem with life it is often because someone else does not believe the same principles as me. So, If I want to live a problem-free life what should I do? Change something! This sounds so simple but it is, easier said then done. Give everyone the right to say, feel and do whatever they want? Even if they’re wrong, in my viewpoint, but keeping in mind just maybe they are right, not me? This might be difficult. But, when I do this, I give no chance to the birth of a resentment. I mean, lets face it , resentments (to re-feel) are not temporary, they can last a day, a week, a year or a lifetime.

So now I have discovered how not to create a resentment. Do I sit with my head in the sand being milk toast, keeping everything to myself? No, anger is good when done right, In fact, it is my way to dump something that is wrong. So how do I confront an issue without attacking? Do I not tell someone what to do? This is the toughest challenge to this simple solution. If I tell you what to do it sets up an auto-response. Naturally, you will defend your view because you think you are right, and we know where that will take us. So, if I can share what I would do, without attacking….this can work. 

Now the most important part of all this. What if the person does not respond to my view of the situation? How do I let it go? First, I am not God! If a friend is in pain and nothing I do helps them, that is all I can do. I have a choice to let their behavior mess up my happiness (why should I give them permission to make me have a bad day) or move on. I now refuse to go there, to their place of pain, anymore, it’s not worth it.

Sometimes we thrive on pain. But, this is not the way we were designed to live. The Dalai Lama said it best….”life is meant to be fun.“ Now, if were not, we have to change something. I no longer blame anyone or anything. That is my answer. Do I do it all the time? No, but I always try and every day is better than the day before. When I do not blame I do not have to forgive. Then resentments are not allowed into my “fun project.“ All my life I explained to people I was screwed up because my brain is not normal. I blamed it on my DNA, my parents, the Catholic church, drinking and using drugs, or whatever got in my way. No blame equals no pain and my prescription for pain was addiction.
So I have almost completed the circle of this story. The people who do things do things that piss me off can only do so if I am uninformed and I overreact. I learned how being on both sides of gossip can affect a life and that even the brilliant Charles Darwin doubted himself due to how others viewed him.

The moral of this story is……“Do Not Place Blame”, Peace and fun is guaranteed! I am, almost, totally stress fee.

Of all these major changes in my life. I give credit to two sources, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Jerry and Ester Hicks…..Abraham Hicks. These new views of life,changed me forever! I encourage you to check out their websites and look at some of the video clips. Every question I ever had, or will have is answered. The secrets, which are not, will be reveled to you.


Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other…er side of the river without drowning.

The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with the woman and on they went with the journey.

As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk”s mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, “how could you carry her like that? You know we can not touch women, it is against our way of life”. The senior monk answered, “I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?
A Zen Buddhist Monk Story

Photographer: graur razvan ionut


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. joy
    Feb 01, 2011 @ 12:22:08

    good stuff!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Stories from Celia…..

%d bloggers like this: